Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can’t take the speed it’s moving in
I know I can’t
But, honestly, won’t someone stop this train?
Apparently, sometimes only a John Mayer song I listened to when I was a desperate teenager can do. Stop this train. I think all of us know this feeling (and this song).
Sometimes I get the feeling that we all live up to the assumption that we have to keep going. Keep developing, run towards the next thing, and at all times don’t stand still. Standing still freaks us out. At least I can get nauseous sometimes only thinking about it.
But sometimes I can also get nauseous of the idea that we are constantly going, pushing through without taking any breaks or thinking for a while. Without taking our time and see what happens. And I don’t mean your weekly me-time evening. I mean months. What if we just stop doing all the things we think we have to do, like studying or making a career? Will something happen, will something interesting come up? Creativity, maybe? Inspiration? Will I finally do the things I always dreamed of, make the things I always intended to make?
Those are the questions that keep coming back to me from time to time. Now, for example. I finally have the gap-year I waited for so long, and still it feels like I’m filling it up with interning, travelling, etcetera. Never I really take some time off to stand still. Which then leads to the question: do I do this because I want to, or because I think the outside world expects it from me?
Sometimes, however, I forget about the things I already wrote down myself. I can give myself the answers I need. Like my post My 7 lessons from ‘Big Magic’ for example:
Lesson 5: You don’t need limitless time in order to create
For a long time I had been waiting for that perfect moment in space and time when I would have all possibilities and creativity would just flow. But yeah: life is messy, and when is this going to happen in reality? Next to that: will I really feel creatively inspired and motivated when I have nothing else to do in my life, or will it only spark fear of failure? I’ll never know, but I think I’m not gonna find out, at least not now. I think I’m fine by trying to make the best of the smaller moments.
So what I like to do now, is planning ahead and making the best out of the time I do have – which is actually relatively a lot lately! I like to feed myself with inspiration, to create a lot and shut down that critical voice in my head. Also, I should more often read back what I wrote before. For example this one.